every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
