just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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