I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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