Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
