there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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