fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
