thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
