Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize