hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
