I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
