Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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