actually, I'm a sock model
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
