I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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