Plan B is the new Plan A
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
