i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
