so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
