he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
