It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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