she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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