You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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