Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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