My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize