just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize