Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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