Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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