I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
