wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
