..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
