The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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