Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think my vagina is haunted
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize