addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
