i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
