Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize