i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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