remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We are two peas in an std pod
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
