My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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