I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
