Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
