Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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