I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
