What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
