I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
