I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize