i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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