chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
