Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
