Girls should come with a carfax report
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
