so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
