you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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