I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
