I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
