found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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