I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
