Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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