were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
