Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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