my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your dad touched me again.
smell my finger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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