Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
