South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
