Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
