Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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