Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
