Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize