I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
