I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
