where does the pee come out of this thing
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
