Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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