I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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