She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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