he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
